The One Who Never Gets The Throne: Stuck in an Infinite Loop of Being "Second-Best"

 “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know”

~Ernest Hemingway

Disclaimer: This blog post is not a symbol of hate for any belief, value, or ethic. Please do not judge it before you get to the end.

~

stuck. infinite pool. second-best.

Do these words elicit feelings of pity? Ruth even?

To help you come up with an answer, here are a few questions I'd like to ask you:
Why? Why pity? Whom is this pity for?

Or is it even pity at all?

if the pity is because you believed me just from what little the title had to offer, I assure you that the "pity" you have isn't based on a strong ground of reasoning.

You are confused, aren't you?

What really I am trying to do here is to make you realize why I feel the way I do.

I don't pity them.
Does the feeling feel something along the lines of pity? Yes. But that's not it. And it took me quite a long time to accept that it's not pity what I feel.

Oh, wait lemme rewind a little bit for you to understand better⏪.....

~

Do you have an ounce of idea where I am going with the title of this blog post? I am pretty dang sure, not. Yet, you are entertaining my tattle. (P. S thank you for that hehe)

So, I am sure you have seen certain kids in class who try to answer every question asked.

Some of "those" kids prompt, with whatever comes to their mind while some of "those" take a moment to answer.

Here's a bunch of observations:

To some--from the group of "those" kids--giving out right or wrong responses is immaterial. They just want to answer. The others from the group, however, have this need to get it right. Maybe it's their perfectionism talking. Maybe it's an external factor pushing them to get better and better. It may or may not be healthy, but that's not something I am focusing on for now.

A few are here to experience the thrill of brainstorming, experimentation, and better yet: learning the hard way. Does opinion phase them? Yes...definitely! They are human after all. But the truth is: there's always someone judging. Hence, a mindset something along these lines stems in such kids: "They are going to laugh, they are going to mock, they are going to ridicule what I do, so I might as well continue what I do and the way I do it. Because all that matters is that my style suits me and I live for me, not for the rest."

While the remaining few... are here to solely make an impression. Not on the world. They want to build an impression of themselves. It's what brings them an unusual kind of... solace. It gives them the purpose to work the way they do. It makes them comfortable with who they are. They may not be as immune to judgment as category1, which is why they make an effort to immerse themselves in a world where they impress themselves, while sub-consciously impressing the world around them.

I don't have any intention to pass judgments, I am merely laying my analysis in front of you.

I am not sure if I am making sense of what I have written so far, but in my opinion, there's a certain amount of pressure involved in either of the situations. Whether it's setting an impression or not. Whether it's experimentation or not.

What's pressure for kid 1 (the kid who experiments) is very different from what's pressure for kid 2 (the kid who wants to set an impression ) because these two kids come from very different backgrounds and it's pretty obvious that they will approach a problem with two completely different mindsets. Their perception of the aim behind a certain topic is poles apart. Call it upbringing, call it a life lesson, call it falling-and-learning. Call it whatever you want but despite all of these significant differences in the lives of these two, these experiences bring out a similar result in both the kids: They both have a mindset. A solid one at that.

Good or bad? It's none of our concern. And it shouldn't be either unless it impacts you on a personal level.

All that being said, allow me to ask you this: Have you ever observed even one of the above-mentioned observations that have grown up thinking, is just gibberish? Trust me, I have more to make you believe that it's not, in fact, gibberish.

Speaking for myself specifically, I can say that I have made observations. Been making them for a very long time without even realizing it. A series of minor, yet repetitive events with people under different circumstances helped me connect the dots. It isn't rocket science, trust me. I am not claiming to have "figured" everything out, but I am at a stage where I can open up about whatever little I have gathered.

My observations made me see a pattern.
A pattern of their performance. I know... a big word: performance and all that...but hear me out.

It's safe to say that kid 1 is, in fact, one of "those" who outperform a certain group of people. And so is kid 2. In layman's language: both are TOPPERS.(not that I should divide people into groups... But I can't explain it to you if you don't know how I am distinguishing people)

Yes! you got it right. I have been speaking about TOPPERS ALL THIS WHILE IN MANNER MOST WOULD CALL "GIBBERISH".

But, haven't we spent the majority of our life categorizing people as sociopaths aka "toppers" and "normal" people? But trust me, the division doesn't end here.

Just like there's a difference between an emperor and a king, there's also a difference between "First" and "Second". Worlds apart difference, if I may add.

What's funny is-- not many notice it. Not until they experience it.

Let me show you how they are so different. First and second that is.

Okay, so if I have been able to convey my thoughts and reasoning systematically, would you agree with me if I concur that: kid 2 is the "best" while kid 1 is "second-best"?

Why did I mention kid 2 before kid 1? Aren't they both "toppers"? The answer is very simple. The BEST always gets the front row. ALWAYS.
Harsh but true.

But, it's fair to the one who's worked oh-so-hard to get there even if you don't like to hear it. 100%.

Kid 1? She's second best. But wait! Why? Why is she not the best? Didn't they both work hard enough to answer that question in class? Didn't they both try their fullest? Didn't they both have an equal (equal must not be confused with the type of pressure) amount of pressure? Then why is it that kid 2 is BETTER THAN kid 1? In some ways, we have to admit that kid 2 is better... But is that true for every aspect of each of their lives? Not at all. Not at all.


Brushing up our basics: our observations made us see a pattern. I think it's safe to say that we have realized that pattern speaks a lot about what makes them the way they are. Their mindsets.

Back to question one: Why is kid two the best while Kid one is best AFTER kid 1? what sets them apart?

The simplest answer I felt that most of us could relate to-- the Cost of succeeding.

Yes. Cost. Price. Sacrifice. Motive. Drive. Hunger. Approach. Point of view.

Cost of maintaining dreams and approach to achieving them. This is what life ultimately comes down to.

These two are the only aspects that set them apart.

And let me tell you this before you start getting confused... Approach and price... These are a mix of heart and mind decisions. There's no straightforward answer to which one dominates what aspect... It's more about... When are they deciding to go with the flow? And in my opinion... Out of the two, kid 1 is more of the go-with-the-flow kind when compared to kid 2.

If I'll be honest... Kid one can never... ever... sacrifice her heart for far too long. She can't. It's possible but... Nope. She's physically incapable of sabotaging her happiness for materialistic gains. She'd never sacrifice what gives her true happiness, her heart. The reason she's even on the "topper's " list is because of her approach... But approach ... No matter how solid it may be... Has to bow before the heart. Because happiness and mental health, to her, are far too precious ... Far too expensive to sacrifice to get the status arbitrary people plug in. However, she doesn't stop trying. She keeps trying to achieve what she thought she always wanted. The title of being the best... Because that is what a rat race does to us. Makes you run behind more.

Kid 2, however, she's brains. Most of it. It's hard, but she's mastered the art of suppressing her heart to achieve what the most influential people in her life have inspired her to sacrifice: her heart. She does it, flawless or not, and that's what makes her the Empress. To many. Is she happy? I am not sure. Maybe. Maybe not. But do people look up to her? 100%. She's the gem in everyone's eyes... 'cause did what the other couldn't. The other topper. Even though their approach has been way too similar than most people know.

But, the sad part comes in when I tell you that the "second best never gets the throne". kid 1 is human. No matter how much of a thrill she may want, she too, like kid 2 wants to make her loved ones happy. So, she's sour about it. She hates feeling that way. She's not the jealous kind. She doesn't care about judgment! Then why this sourness? another sad truth: jealousy is the most negative emotion a living being has to experience. Is she confused why she couldn't do what the other did... Competition sets in. This fire of .... Jealousy. She's in the top two... I mean how hard could it be to get to number 1? So she works and works and works...

But the worst thing about the storm? It strikes when least expected. That's exactly what happens to her.

The third in the line of "toppers".... Who wasn't even in the picture till now comes n bags the first position. While kid 1? She's still there. At position 2.

She's baffled. She's devastated. To her, it's not about who gets the first position. It's about WHY SHE COULDN'T GET THERE. Just why. Even after working so hard.

She never gave a damn about judgments... But disappointing the people she cared about did shake her confidence. This is what makes one crawl back into their shell... Just like kid 1.

But there's a reason why she was ever on the "topper's" list. Because she has it in her to work hard but also be happy. She's always believed in that. Never knew where it came from, but it's always been there. In her heart. A happy heart.

During her time away from the world, she realizes that nothing ever works out for her on a heart driven by a fire of jealousy. It's not her. And the reality is: that she doesn't want to be that girl because it doesn't make her happy.

She's not happy trying to "outshine" another person who's probably just as genuine as her. She's not happy with the "ugly ambition" that takes over when the rat race comes into play.

She has always believed in Herself vs The World.
It's ambition, yes...but it's not toxic.

Who says ambition is toxic? I don't think so. What's toxic is the mentality that we grow up around in social gatherings. That rat race is toxic. That rat race leads to jealousy. Why is there even an inch of room for jealousy when the two kids have no reason to compare each other!

I don't think anyone can teach you to be happy in your skin. Nobody except yourself. You are the only one who has the say in the person you are going to be tomorrow and every day after that.

Does being happy in your skin mean being complacent? Does it mean dusting your hands off every problematic situation just because it intimidates you? I think you can answer that question better than I ever can for you.

In funny ways, I've seen that in this mysterious universe, being happy doesn't have to come at the cost of success. Happiness should come at the cost of blocking what most rituals suggest.

She's happy. She's smiling. She's thriving. She may not be the best... But she's thriving.

And the best part: she no longer wants to be the best.

Because Kid 1 is a queen. Even if she never gets the throne of an empress.✨

~

Fast forward ⏩ to where I began narrating. (This phrase makes no sense if you read it without reading the intro to this post)

Do you now understand the "pity-that's-not-really-pity" theme that I was speaking about in the beginning?

Kid 1 pitied herself when she was lost. Lost in the cruelty of the rat race. Confused about what was happening around her... But that pity dissolved in no time and gave rise to what I call: self-awareness.

Would you run after the throne when you are destined for something far greater? A queen may not be at an empress's level in the hierarchy that the conventional world agrees upon but who's to say that she's not "The Empress" of a world she illustrates with self-awareness as her superpower?

You aren't stuck in an infinite loop of being "second-best"! You are growing and glowing brighter each step of the way to make room for a better version of yourself.

The best version of you.

Until next time.
Love,
Moon🌛


PS — please consider sharing my work with everyone who deserves to realize how special they are.

PP.S — I didn't expect that I would scribble down a solid post in the span of 4 hours straight— In the middle of the night, of course — more than 14 months since I last posted here. I have always known that hard times are the greatest motivation for one to start anything productive but today I believe in myself more than I did these 4 hours ago. I started my blog "She Speaks Her Heart" during the darkest hours of my dark days back in 2020 July. What a happy coincidence that this blog post happens to mark my second anniversary in this wonderful space I am proud to call my own. ( I am not trying to brag, but it's the best feeling when you can convert negative emotions to productivity)

PPP.S— Like I always say, if you made it to the end of this long, mentally and emotionally, exhausting post... I love you more than I did at the beginning of this post. It means everything to me. ❤️

I wouldn't be able to make a comeback without Mr. Book Audit. Thank you for inspiring and pushing me. It means more than I'll ever be able to express.

Comebacks are harder than starting something from scratch. So a comeback during the darkest hours of my 186472814th turn with Dark Days is my biggest victory in a very long time and I hope I don't get too complacent after this and still continue writing. Hehe.

Please do leave a comment if you liked what you just read. It would be a tonne of motivation for me to keep writing frequently!! Can't wait to hear from you!!