What is in the number 18?

Note: This article is from a teenager trying to address the challenges that teens like me must deal with during these formative years. It is my endeavor to 'normalize' this feeling in a way that is not taken for granted.  It is not my role to advocate for right or wrong; it is my role to express feelings and emotions.

Cheers!

~

Dedication:

                                          To all those at a crossroads in life. I feel you. 

~

OMG. I can't wait to turn 18
Gosh, I am so excited.
It's going to be so much fun.
My parents can't stop me.
I am gonna be free at last.
I can do so many things.
I can drink
I'll dress the way I want.
Get me out of school already.
Collegeeeee.....here I come. 
I am gonna party, like all the time!
My life won't be like my parents'.
I want to everything!
I won't be answerable to anybody.
I love reading romances! Should I be ashamed?
Am I a crackpot for finding solace in the bookish world and characters?
The idea of love sounds so magical.
Is reading even a hobby? Most think it's laziness.
Oh god! Why is my dad/mum watching Arnab Goswami? or any debate for that matter? So annoying!
News is so boring.
Hopefully, I'll wake up one day and magically, know what I want.
Ummm...okay maybe...just maybe I this policy is doing well. Maybe not.
Should I post this? Do I sound too political and stupid? 
This is what I think...Is it wrong? Is it too radical?
Who casts vote anyway?

I'll miss my friends.
Will I be able to make new ones?
What if I end up being a loner?
I don't want to go to college.
My parents will probably understand my needs as an adult and not a child. Hopefully.
How do I tell them I don't think like a kid anymore?
How do I make demands without feeling embarrassed?
Maybe I won't be so shy anymore, right?
Maybe I won't be judged if I talk about "TABOO" stuff.
Maybe intimacy is in cards for me now...maybe.

Don't even get me started on the illegal shit.
Well, I am not quite eligible to buy a beer.
Okay, I really don't know how the practical world works!
Like seriously, why would someone be excited about alcohol? It's overhyped.
Okay, you know what?...maybe I prefer soda. 
I mean... I am sure people won't even blink an eye if I ordered something I have never ordered before. Right?!
At least I can drive around without supervision. (well at least for the ones who still act their age anyway.)
Guess what, I still love reading romances.
I don't believe that romances are fiction.
They make me feel alive.
Will love pull me out of loneliness?
Does true love exist?
Even if I find love... Will I be able to be faithful?
How can one spend their life with the same person...forever?
Judgments shouldn't bother an adult right?
I still don't know shit.
I still hope that one day, I understand things around me, better at least.
I think I really love watching debates and the news.
Is it okay to have a political opinion?
I want the voter ID asap.
I am so gonna vote, honey!
I'll post it anyway. Who cares?
I love having a common topic of a mature discussion with my parents.
I still have stage fear. How do they present so confidently way?!
Gosh, I miss being a kid. I feel like one.

                                                                    

Are these some of the many things going around in your head? 

Well, guess what? You are not alone. 

(*insert wink emoji*)

Now, before getting into introspection.... let's first dive into the million-dollar question.....(Okay well..maybe not a million-dollar question because we have a lot of theories and history that backs up this question that I am going to ask)—WHY?

Why was 18 (talking as an Indian) chosen as the Age of Majority?

If you want to know the theoretical details, this isn't really the place for it. I am aiming at the ideology and the mental complexities that can be associated with this topic. 

History—as we all know— is littered (okay, I do not mean it in a derogatory way because this girl right here loves history) with several instances of young and raw bravery, with young individuals taking up responsibilities far beyond their years— from Maharana Pratap to Shivaji and many more. The concept of Adulthood was quite relative back in the day. When someone was ready to take over various adult activities, the issue largely fell to their family to decide.

In today's world? 

Well...You know how it goes. Relativity has become a synonym of "loopholes" that can be exploited as the man (or woman...well...I believe in equality) sees worthy. Twisting words has become an art. This, my lovelies, calls for a need for a system. A system that specifies the role of these over-smart individuals in a serious setting. These aren't made to redefine your personality, but to bring out the responsible side in you. 

So what does the system do?

It specifies/declares a common age of majority— an age at which people can be categorized into the asset-building division. A threshold age, from where potentials can be harnessed. 

But why literal age? Why not mental age?

The answer is quite simple actually.

Generations and generations of people throughout their lifespan have witnessed people age differently and at their own pace. We have seen immature, mature, observant, ignorant, responsible, lenient, harsh, kind, loveable, and even nagging people of the same literal age. These qualities in themselves are examples of how mental age and maturity can impact behavior, personality, and ultimately the kind of impact they may want on people. How we age mentally is absolutely relative (the oxymoron is hard to miss) to our upbringing and environment. On the other hand, the physical or the literal age is in the hands of time and therefore the constitution's best friend for the sole purpose of bringing in regularity and assigning responsibilities for smoother administration.

As for how that specific number was reached...the answer is rather capricious. Arbitrary even. 

One of them is the age at which most people seem to have graduated high school. They, generally, seem to exhibit a common understanding of themselves. 

Now here's a common mistake I'd like to address—Common understanding is not equal to having your life figured out!

It's a fact that many, older and supposedly "wiser" folks haven't figured out their true purpose in life. They, sadly, aren't proud of their decisions. They barely even trust their decisions, regret comes much later.

Hey, but wait! Aren't we likely to be much more developed mentally in, let's say, 20 years from now? Wouldn't that be more an appropriate time to become adults?  Another question that is intrinsically woven with the former— 'Does this mean our decisions at 25 won't be as "correct" as those at 40?'

If I have to answer this set of questions in one word, I'll go with— Relative. Well ideally, people continue to grow and mature their whole life. At least until our mind supports the process. So the 40-year-old you would probably not only be better 'equipped' to make decisions than your 25-year-old version but also in all likelihood be a very different person, both literally and mentally. Can this imply that my decisions at 25 will be any less "correct" than at 45? If you ask me? Personally, I don't believe in "correct" or "incorrect" decisions when it comes down to it. My situation, environment, and mental state are going to be very different at 25 than at 40 (If not? I can pretty much pre-declare that I would be a waste of space. Period.). This means that my decision-making will obviously be a little different if not, much more modified. I'll be much more 'equipped' by the time I have silver-foxy hair (at 40) despite both of these ages—25 and 40— being, the age of majority—legal age. This is precisely what I mean by 'relative'. Now assuming that your decision at 25— which may I add, hasn't even been taken yet!— will be "incorrect" when compared to your decisions, at say 40, is quite harsh. The keyword here is 'equipped' and not  'correct'. You need to understand that your mindset and the spectrum of the crossroads that you will experience at 25 will be very different from that at 40. Why waste time judging and comparing yourself? 

Tracking your evolution is very different from judging it.

Now writing from a minor teenager's point of view, I have felt an uneasiness for quite some time now. The uneasiness of being trapped in a void. An intangible void. I thought about it for quite some time but couldn't pinpoint the epicenter. But one day, while having a conversation with a friend of mine, something clicked. It's a vague idea, but it is something. I was beginning to be able to sense it. So...I decided to share it!

It goes like this...

As adolescents on the brink of finishing high school, you feel caught up in the middle of a tug of war. One side—the nostalgic one—pulls you towards childhood and early adolescence, whereas on the other side we are being pushed towards the impending adulthood. And we often see this push as a burden. That could be because of all that you are surrounded by. But, why don't you just take a minute, or two...or maybe even a couple of days and feel that gravitational pull towards adulthood. Weigh the pros and cons. I am sure our mind will focus exclusively on the cons, but ask your heart and question your purpose. Now don't go asking ridiculous questions that focus on the superficial aspect of the phase you are about to enter or have entered already. How is your body responding to these questions?

Now, I have some revelations.

We have NEEDS.

NEEDS we didn't have until yesterday. NEEDS we have today because we are aware, we are aware of ourselves and our surroundings. I am not even getting into the peer pressure aspect because those fall under WANTS. I am talking about what our soul craves. What our soul sees as passion. I am talking about the restlessness of just being still for so long, far too long. I am talking of the NEED to get out of those childish insecurities. Question yourself whether your current status is giving you the media to satisfy the fire within you, that fire that exists deep inside you, ask yourself if your current status is giving your the liberty to give back all that you have received over the years.

Now scroll back up to the top and read that list again. What does it look like to you now?

Can you now distinguish between your NEEDS and WANTS?

Can you now distinguish between your insecurities and the stability that you crave?

Do you now see a void that co-exists between these two phases in our lives?

While I am aware, that stability is something we have had since childhood... but I am talking about a different kind of stability... the stability of emotions. As kids, our emotions are all over the place and direction exists only with those with exposure. A lot of times, we are confused and the root cause is lack of exposure. We want the clouds to part away so that the Moonlight enters the window because it's is dark and we NEED light. We are no longer just moody teenagers. We hold an understanding of our locality but have no rights. The understanding we didn't have until yesterday or the week before. We have ideas but no outlet. We have gut feelings but nobody cares. We can sense and most importantly 'distinguish' the negative frequencies from the positive ones. We begin to understand individualism, teamwork, family, friends and tend to imagine a life without any of it. We now have a vague idea of what we want to see in ourselves in general. Maybe we don't have a specific idea, because even I don't know what I want, but I know that I'll follow my heart with the support of my mind. We certainly know what we DON'T want. We understand that nothing except that extra, little nudge towards reality will ease our curiosity and eagerness. Ask yourself—"Am I looking forward to the beer that I'll get to sip or to that acknowledgment that I am worthy of?"

If I seem to have ignored the perspective of the people sitting on the other side of the table, who are already doing what their heartbeats for, I truly am sorry. But you need to feel for the ones who are desperately waiting for their turn to come. You need to put yourself in the shoes of those who have had close to zero exposure. Just because you got that exposure and realized your passion, doesn't mean that they would have also discovered their potentials along with you. You need to go back and relive those moments when your heart had cravings, cravings like those of people around you. I am not sorry for speaking for the ones who are caught in a void. We all come from different backgrounds and our early progress is ultimately dependent on it. 

Eighteen is nothing when I look at those trivial desires. It is a fake promise and delusion.

Eighteen is everything and more when I look past those delusions and promises.

It's frightening. But it's realistic. The responsibilities may not come overnight but they'll come. They'll come with time.

My eighteenth is about me. It's about my needs, not wants. I am excited to experience the world and make it mine. To put forth my opinions and work, out there, in the world. I am not excited for those tears and ugly falls, but 

Eighteen is my first step outside the safe haven that my parents have created for me. 

Eighteen is bittersweet, but it's NOTHING. This is eighteen for me.

Some may not be excited for that day, the day they turn eighteen, but it'll come.

You are probably living that life if you are older. 

How you take it is in your hand. Whether you welcome it in the same way with the same warmth with which you have been doing for years or not, but this day will certainly be a nudge towards your modified persona in the future. 

Now scroll back up, to the top and read that list again.

What does it look like to you now?

Are they merely just scratched and unscratched words? 

Are you beginning to feel those tingles?

If not...I'll try writing a better piece next time :).

Ask yourself AGAIN—"Am I looking forward to the beer that I'll get to sip or to that acknowledgment that I am worthy of?"

So that ultimately leaves me with a question that I asked you in the beginning.....

What is in the number eighteen? 

Until next time.....

With love,

Moon.

P.S Like I always say, if you've made it till the end of this, I love you more than I did when you first clicked on that link. It means the world to me.

P.P.S Considering today, the 16th of May, is the day I officially turn eighteen, I will admit, this piece is very special for me. The pleasure, the anxiety, and the eagerness that I had donned while writing this was voluntary. I realized, in its true sense and form, that happiness is a choice and I chose this. It's amazing to have the upper hand in your own decisions. 

P.P.P.S (Wait! It's my last P.S!) If you loved reading my work, do not hesitate to share this with your friends and let me know what you have felt while reading, in the comment section down below give me any kind of suggestions that you might have. I welcome constructive criticism. Now I know that sometimes laziness takes over, especially with the idea of sharing, but when you feel active again... 

Do share this and spread the word that She Speaks her Heart. Only.

Cheers! 

My Socials!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chocoholic_turned_quotoholic/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/131122098-moon-shukla

Also, the 'SHARE' button you see is work-in-progress so please share the link for time being...I am still trying to figure this whole gig. (Sorry! ||_|| ) 

See ya on the other side!